Green Eyed Monster

It's an expression here that means someone is jealous and/or greedy. There's usually one in a family. Mine is filled with them. But the worst is my disowned aunt.

Before my uncle Kev passed away, before I was born, my aunt had planned that if my grandparents passed away she would have the house and look after my uncle Kev. My mother would get the rest. Seems innocent until you find out that she would have control over my uncle Kev's bank account, his allowance and herself a carers allowance for looking after uncle Kev. Plus the fact he hated her.

Thankfully that didn't happen. When me and my cousins were born my uncle Kev watched over our prams. Hayley he watched half the time, Lee not at all and myself he never left my side. Even after his death he still kept watch over me. That made my aunt jealous of me. Uncle Kev was a good judge of character.

As I grew older she became jealous of who I am and how I've turned out. I was a quiet and well behaved baby. The first sign of an old soul. As a kid I was withdrawn, mostly cause I was bullied over my weight, but very mature for my age. In my teens she disappeared from my life, except birthday and christmas cards, when I was confirmed in the Church of England. Then after I had turned 18 and unemployed I confronted her.

After my uncle's death my gran became depressed. She lost a lot of loved ones in a short space of time. My mother rang my aunt to ask her to look after her. We lived counties away but my aunt was just a few streets away. My aunt refused. She had disowned my gran in her hour of need and never told anyone why. I wanted answers. I wanted to know why she did that. But when I asked my aunt refused to tell me. I also asked her not to send me cards.

I found before my gran passed away that my aunt had disowned me. It doesn't surprise me. Maybe some people don't want to put the hard work into relationships? Maybe my aunt had built up a life of lies and my existence shattered that illusion?

She turned up to my gran's funeral. 13 years after she disowned gran. I didn't need to go to gran's funeral but I know I'd have confronted my aunt for that act. I think my gran also knew that and arranged for events so I wouldn't be there. Don't get me wrong I love my gran and miss her stories of the olden days dearly but she wasn't suffering any more so why should I suffer.

Since then my aunt has been digging her claws into grampa. He had wrote her out of his will after what she did. But christmas day I over heard him talking to my other gran. He's changed his will to include her. So when he finally passes it's gonna raise hell. I know the damage after that will be irreparable.

My mother already hates my aunt. My aunt just wants grampa's money. My grampa wants my aunt to manage his estate. My mother will have the death certificate, the plot certificate and grampa's medals. My cousins will want money too. My dad will want to get it all dealt with and as he says "death is the ultimate test of a relationship". This will certainly test my family and rip us apart. Personally I'm happy with memories.

I have a new job starting soon and if things go well...I expect my aunt and cousins to be coming after my money too.

Autumn

First off it's been a long time since I've wrote here. Not because I've forgotten but because I've been going through a period of change. I notice these periods are usually timed with the autumn. A time when the energy in the trees goes back to their roots and bright leaves cease to be important. I'm much the same. Shedding my leaves, I go in search for the truth within me, going back to my roots.

This autumn I've found that my gift of seeing spirits is far more than that. I've also found my ability to pick up on other's emotions is also more than just a funny feeling. The hallucinations I saw when I was fighting depression in my teens was more than just images.

First the hallucinations. When I'm very stressed or in danger my mind shuts off. It's the brains way of protecting itself from permanent damage. Under this state I've very little awareness of what I'm doing or what's happened. As a teen, fighting depression and abused by teachers (they put the media reaction above my welfare), I started seeing green eyes and a male voice. This voice kept telling me "you're weak", "you're nothing" and "you're worthless". I dismissed it as the devil on my shoulder.

Within all of us, bar a few, lies our soul and a negative entity. This entity is what's commonly called the devil on our shoulder. These two forces battle with each other. So, in a healthy person, we live in a state of grey. A state where we are either good nor bad but balanced. However this state is not stable and fluctuates between the two. The problems come when one wins over the other.

Understand the world is in balance. Yes, there's a lot of bad things, there's also good...and there's crazy things too. It's all organized chaos. However when a negative entity over takes a person..it's like unleashing a nuclear bomb. Every action you make causes ripples. The nearest to your heart feels those ripples and reacts, sending out their own ripples. Next thing you know calm waters become a choppy sea.

That negative entity of mine wanted to destroy me. It distorted my views, caused a lot of mental health problems (read internal wars), made enemies out of strangers and generally a pain in the backside. Over the years it had left me with a lot of deep scars in my soul, shut my third eye off and left me drained. I had surgery to have my entity removed. It took 4 angels, an archangel and God 2 days to fix me. They used a phoenix feather and a whole veil of angel tears (a single tear can heal a battalion). If it was delayed by a few days...my soul would have been destroyed.

I received an angel blessing. There are 26 different types and each shows what level of protection that soul is under. Understand that these are rarely given, are earned and come with responsibility. I've had two black witches attack me since I received my blessing. One wanted my power to herself, using my ex and curses to get to me, but failed. She was dragged to the council and her third eye closed. She went from happy and carefree to deeply depressed overnight. The other turned up at my house. I have angel markings on my doors. 2 angels greeted him, if he was able to get past them, an archangel waited upstairs with me.

Now for the angels on my shoulder. They're not on my shoulder per say but they do watch over me. In addition to my blessing I have a guardian angel mark. That means an angel is making sure I stay safe. There's also 2 other angels looking out for me as well. I also have several spirit guides and a familiar. It's not a collection but a family.

Now don't go thinking this makes my life all fluffy. No, I still have to deal with stuff life throws at me, I still get sick and still battle with what I see in the mirror. Just means I can look deeper into things and ask questions but not always get an answer. I'm not only a witch but also what's known as an empath. So I can pick up on other people's emotions, the more I care for a person the more intense the feeling, if they're telling the truth or not, etc.

I know this will be a challenge for readers to wrap their heads round and accept. Notability Christians who think all witches are bad and will go to hell. If it makes things easier for you, then feel free to read the above as a work of fiction, an idea I've been toying in my mind for awhile.

My wish for the new year: To be filled with the people I love.