Toxic Family

Now in my last post I mentioned my aunt and cousin Hayley disowning me. Well I put the following as a status:

inviting me to like pages is nice of you but i'm still deleting my account at the end of the month. Oh, dear family who've disowned me, I'm not surprised and gran was right. But thank you for the life lessons and I hope karma treats you kindly.

That was posted, on my public account which is, in my legal name. See my gran had told me what she expected to happen after she passed away and well I can see her sat at a table, with her head in her hands, saying "Well, bab, I did warn you. No matter. You tried and that's all you can do.". She was a wise woman and I loved listening to her stories. I still love listening to the elderly tell their stories. They can teach us so much.

So for me that was the end of that. However my cousin Lee had other ideas.

I can understand that he's stuck in the middle and that might anger him. But the way he's dealt with it...is for me unacceptable. Surely the better way of dealing with this would of been to ask questions and have a discussion?

Sending abuse and then asking me to ring you won't work. I'm not going to ring someone only to be given more abuse. I had considered ignoring him but then I'd only be as bad as his side of the family. When asked for an explanation they walk off. So you're left either guessing or presuming your words are right.

I had hoped for a reply. Surely he'd be mature enough to give me that curtsey? Wrong.

After that I disowned him. All these years trying not to become like generations past, I felt forced to do the very thing I never wanted to do. I haven't blocked him though. Part of me hopes he'll change...that one day he'll no longer be this toxic person. As a kid he struggled with his anger and was often violent and destructive. When I felt myself going down the same path I was afraid of becoming like him and started to work on controlling my temper.

Cleansing is hard work. I don't regret getting rid of things that are toxic to me. But I am disappointed in his behaviour. Did I expect too much? Was I clear enough in my communication without leaving myself feeling vulnerable? Could I have handled this better?

Even the strongest of women have chinks in their self-made armour.